A Disgusting Dinner

Last night we had an absolutely disgusting experience at dinner. I had prepared the meal and put it on the table in the dining room. Before we sat down we noticed that a huge fly was buzzing around the house. I'm serious, this was not your average-weight flying insect. We got the fly-swatter and ran around trying to kill it. Sophie, our delicate, prissy, girly-girl cat, also jumped around trying to help us catch the fly. Dustin and I laughed at how high she jumped, each time coming nowhere near the racing insect. We talked about how funny it was that she was trying so hard because "it's not like she could ever catch him." She would not give up. Each time the fly passed her she jumped into mid-air and then sprinted after him.

After a while, Dustin and I gave up on the fly and sat down to eat before the food got cold. When we sat down I noticed a spider on the floor near the window. Dustin, my resident spider expert (he knows what alot of spiders are supposed to look like), bent to check him out. Well, this spider was not just an ugly little house spider. He was a Black Widow. Yes, I repeat, he was a Black Widow. Just as I was about to call 911, Dustin got his shoe so we could kill the intruder. We stood there for a while and stared, first at the spider, and then at each other. We debated what would be the best weapon with which to kill him. I didn't want spider guts on Dustin's shoe, but he didn't want spider guts to squirt on him through the holes in the fly-swatter (which was already handy because of the fly that was still buzzing around us, with Sophie still in hot pursuit).

We finally decided to use the shoe method, but then we had to decide how to make the kill. Dustin absolutely hates spiders because of a bad spider-bite that he got as a child. So he kills the camel-crickets if we see one (I feel nauseous every time I see a camel cricket because of a bad splattering-death that I inflicted on one a few years ago), and I kill the spiders.

Just as I was about to end the life of the unwelcome dinner guest, Sophie came running over, still chasing the fly. We watched in amazement as she trapped him in one corner of the dining room, right next to the black widow. Our mouths dropped as she stopped the fly in mid-wing-flap with her fluffy little paws. Then we heard it. Apparently our cat is not as delicate and girly as we thought. The fly CRUNCHED between her teeth, and she chewed him up with great satisfaction. Meanwhile, Dustin and I ran from the room, covering our faces and shrieking in disgust. Our stomachs were feeling a little weak because of the gross event, but now they were hurting because we were laughing so hard. We really had not given Sophie much credit, but we now know that she is a priss AND a huntress.

Now that the fly was gone, it was time to get rid of the onlooking spider. I grabbed Dustin's shoe and made a bank-shot off the air vent. Dustin was kind enough to get rid of the corpse while I went outside to rub his shoe on the grass. After studying the victim as he floated around in the toilet, we both washed our hands and sat back down to a cold dinner. Then Dustin said exactly what I was thinking: "It's amazing how quickly you can completely lose your appetite."

I'm glad we were just having leftovers.